“Who’s Walking Who?”

On my morning walk, I passed an older gentleman who I see frequently. He has two little dogs who are quite reactive so I am always courteous to give him and his dogs lots of space. This helps to prevent his dogs from lunging and barking at mine. I make a habit of smiling and saying hello to other dog guardians on our neighborhood walks. We are all out doing the same thing after all and most of the time my neighbors say hello back and we continue on our walks. 

This morning's short hello however was not the mutual kindness I am used to. As I saw the older gentle man I paused to give him some space to pass so we wouldn’t have to pass each other in close proximity. As he got some distance I stopped to say hello. We said our hellos and as I was about to continue on my walk the man had the audacity to say to me “at least my dogs aren’t walking me”. I replied with a loud “that’s a rude thing to say” and carried on with my dogs. I would also like to point out that both of my dogs were actively sitting and looking at me at the time, while his dogs were straining on their leashes ready to react. 

This is not something that is an isolated incident, I have heard this “who’s walking who” comment many times over the years and it is a comment that in my experience is always uttered by the lips of middle aged white men. 

On our daily neighborhood walks I use retractable leashes. I live in a suburb and the trails we walk are wide. I use the retractable leashes so my dogs have room to sniff and explore and so that I can walk at a slower pace. Anytime we encounter dogs or people, my dogs fall back and walk close to me. I am a courteous neighbor and never let my dogs approach people or dogs while on leash, unless I know the person or dogs. My dogs live for our daily walks, they get to sniff, zig and zag and move their bodies freely. This is a point of pride for me, I love how happy my dogs are on their walks and how well behaved they are when I need them to be. 

Which leads me to try and understand what would possess someone to holler at someone else “who’s walking who”. At its core, it’s an insult. Insuading that I don’t “have control” over my dogs. Ironically these comments are almost always uttered when my dogs are, in fact, behaving really well. As I walked away and reflected on this man’s rude comment it got me thinking how someone who was really happy or content wouldn’t utter that comment at someone else and that if I were a man, he probably wouldn’t dare.  As is often true with people who behave in a rude way, they are miserable in their own lives and want to take it out on someone else. It also speaks to how our culture still wants to cling to the idea that dogs must be walking in a perfect heel on walks to be deemed “well behaved” and how I will continue to fight that ridiculous notion every day of my career. 

A dog that is walking with a loose leash, sniffing, zigging and zagging is in fact my gold standard. A dog that has the skills to walk at their guardian's side when asked but allowed the basic decency of using their nose and strongest sense most of their walk is what should be the standard of care.I will be damned if this middle aged white man is going to make me question that. 

So here's to continuing to give my dogs the best life I can. Here’s to letting them sniff and use the length of their leashes. Here’s to challenging any person who thinks they can talk to me in such a rude way. My dogs are happy, my dogs are well behaved and no one can take away our joy. I will continue to be a courteous neighbor and to smile and say hello, except to this man because he has made it clear he is not deserving of my kindness.

-Rachel