Mean What You Say to Your Dog

When it comes to our relationships with our dogs, it's not as simple as just “saying” what we mean because our dogs don’t speak our language. But they do understand our body language, our trained verbal cues and the contexts in which we communicate with them. A common mistake I see my clients make is not actually meaning what they are saying to their dogs. This leads to a host of challenges, most of which the dog feels the brunt of. I hear “he/she knows what I mean, but chooses not to listen” more than I’d like. Blaming your dog and assigning "vengeful" or “stubborn” to them is surely not going to help. So what can you do? 

First, learn to read your dog's body language. I created a whole course to give you a framework. (This course is free). When you learn to read your dog's body language you start to see a whole hidden world of subtle communications that give you deep insight into your dog's preferences and emotional states. Notice how when you yell something at them, their ears pin back and they sink down. That’s a clear sign that they understand your tone, but not what you want them to actually do. Yelling is not something I do often, louder does not make it easier for your dog to understand. Be open and ready to listen to what your dog is telling you so when you speak to them it all makes sense. 

Second, be aware. Be aware of what skills you have trained your dog to do and how and when you ask them to perform those cues. Be aware of how you may say their cues when you don’t mean to. How you may say their cue’s over and over again without actually giving them a chance to hear and process what you have asked. Take accountability for your own mixed signals, don’t blame your dog. 

Thirdly, be consistent and follow up. As you progress with getting to know your dog and doing more training, your consistency will be a game changer. Don’t cue your dog to do something and ignore them when they don’t respond. If you ask your dog to respond to a cue, follow up with them and help them successfully respond. Your dog needs you to be patient but they also need you to help them understand the follow through. If you constantly ask your dog to do something and they do not, it’s up to you to change that cycle. If you don't, your cues will become background noise. To be clear I am never suggesting that you force your dog to respond to a cue. I am suggesting that you pause, ask for your dog's attention and give them a chance to respond in the desired way. That way you have a chance to reward your dog for that correct response so they are more likely to do it again in the future. If your follow up isn’t helping your dog succeed you likely have a hole in your training that needs more remedial practice. 

Lastly, be worth listening to and don’t over ask of your dog. I am not suggesting that you micro manage your dog, I am suggesting that you honor who your dog is on a species level. You learn to read their cues and listen to what they have to say and what matters to them. I am also suggesting that you take accountability for your own behavior. Training takes a lot of consistency and follow through. You have to be consistent if you want your dog to listen to you when you ask. You have to follow through when you ask your dog to perform a known cue. You have to take the time to teach them all the skills you want them to know. If you mean what you are saying to your dog and you have put in the time and energy into their training, you are so much more likely to see success.